I'm not too sure what's happening these days but all I can say is that i've been having an insane amount of breakthroughs/insights/downloads (whatever you want to call them) and it's a little overwhelming.
I'm going to share what's been happening recently here because I know no one reads these blog posts, and I did commit to blogging at least once a week.
So this morning after my TBC Calorikiller class I had a protein shake with S. S is married to B, and they both are friends of D. They all came into my life about a week ago, if I remember right. I had already seen them in the classes, but for some reason we all got close last week. D and I specifically had spent quite some time together last week, and I had some breakthroughs around him entering my life- I thought it was for me to help him open his heart again but it seems like the other way around. Or so I thought.
I ended up having a protein shake today after class with S, as aforementioned. I enjoy speaking to him as he's very insightful, is passionate when he speaks, and has gone through a lot of life's challenges. I also very much appreciate his wisdom and you can tell that he's the type of person who genuinely has a good heart. He even mentioned it today; he wouldn't change his life for the world, he loves his wife, his children, and his little world here in the area.
After an hour or so, we got to a deeper topic whereby he started by saying "I'm going to speak to you as if you were my daughter" (he is a few decades older than I am). That in itself, was healing. He proceeded to explain that all I need is within me now (funny how that's been my mantra for a few weeks, that I constantly repeat everytime I'm at the gym), and that I don't need to keep on seeking for exterior things cause it's all within. All this is condensed, evidently, as I listened more than I spoke. What's interesting is that it's been a while now that these messages keep coming up, and they're getting more and more clear: stop looking externally for what's already within. He specifically mentioned that I don't need to go to India, or anywhere else, and that perhaps building something a little stable won't hurt. Yes, this is something i've heard repeatedly as well.
Just last night I felt this sense of having to visit more countries after India, new ones, as I want to tick off ALL the countries on Planet Earth. I want to make it to a 100 at least - but is that not Masculine energy again? Lists. Ticking lists off. Organising. Planning. I spent hours searching for the perfect travel backpack with wheels, which I've honestly spent a total of 10 hours already throughout the months on this, still with no success. I thought to myself I might as well get a proper backpack since i'm starting to travel again. That's the easy way out though. Isn't that funny? How the nomadic lifestyle is the easy way out- the uncertainty of destinations is actually the easy way out, for me. What's really scary is "building a life" somewhere for myself, "alone". I don't see myself in Spain, but he did have a point: I don't know the area. I can't make that conclusion till I actually get to know the place. and part of me is scared to, incase I decide to come back. Then what? Apartment, long-term, all that bs that I just don't want to be a part of. No thank you. I won't rent. It makes 0 sense.
Anyways. I listened to him and felt the genuineness from his heart. He spoke to me as a girl, not as a woman. Do you know how rare it is for an older man to actually see straight through me? Most men have the attraction factor, or get intimidated. I love D, truly, but I don't think he'd ever give me advice like that, especially cause he sees me more as a woman. Don't get me wrong - I played into it. It's just.. everything made sense today, and I felt like some of my "daddy wounds" got healed actually. Just in that short exchange.
I balled my eyes out driving home, because it definitely hit home. Something did at least. The truth will set you free. It was one of those soul, internally moving cries. I couldn't stop. I released something big, I felt it.
I owe a lot to this man. I barely know him, and he said the same, but I heard him - he spoke from the heart, and I received. The first or second time we met I said "I feel like i've seen you before" and he said "same". It's perhaps a past life thing. Perhaps he was my father in a past life, and just healed something. Who knows.
It's a lot though.
I'm now sitting on my couch very droopy eyed, with a towel on my head, and having to gather all the rest of my energy to make some food. To be honest, all I want to do is go to bed and sleep it off. But I know that's escaping.
I know because one of the videos I also watched this morning was of Tony Robbins and Sara Blakely on Trusting your intuition. It's like everything right now is pointing me towards being, not being so hard on myself (something he also mentioned a lot, and a message that's been coming up so much recently), and just flowing.
My second session with my new coach was a lot about that, as we unpacked my Human Design. I can't believe how much has shifted yet again, in so little time. Idk if life is all about this, and always will be, but for now, for the past few weeks/months, it's been exponential growth in spiritual, mental and emotional terms.
I guess this is what I came here for.
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